TW kinda?? Mentions of light body dysmorphia and self sabotaging thoughts, I don't think I'm that severe but I don't want to make you uncomfortable guys and this is just a little vent anyway. Stay safe <33
I honestly don't know what's happening to me anymore, one moment I'm super euphoric and the next I just feel kinda shitty you know? I've been feeling so hateful towards my body in the last few days and I've been binging a bit. I would like to blame it on my period and the fact that my hormones are going crazy but I feel completely loss, like I don't have any control over it anymore. Do I even make sense while typing this?
Rationally I know it isn't the solution but the desire to just starve myself again is tempting, I swear I felt so disciplined at that time and I promised myself to talk to my friends whenever I felt like that again but god it's so difficult. Lately a friend of mine was going through a very bad moment and you know what I did? Nothing. Like, at all. Because I was so caught up in my fucking head I couldn't even take care of one of the people I love most and I feel so shitty like it's not even that bad why can't I just snap out of it? I think food doesn't even taste good anymore for me.
Plus, I haven't been studying like I usually do and I feel like I'm failing yet again, it's like I never made progress to begin with. It's not even about attention span it's just that I live in this continuous state of anxiety that makes me procrastinate even more and I don't know what to do with myself seriously what's wrong with me. I swear to god I need a fucking psychologist but how do I even tell my parents when it's me in the first place that can't take myself seriously? But alas, if I sleep on it maybe it will go away.
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